Long ago, when he was still on top of his game, golfer Seve Ballesteros used to extol the virtues of American Express cards on TV. He used to end the advert with an exhortation "don't leave home without it" ("donlivhhomewithoutit" in Seve-speak). Years later when my daughter was going abroad alone for the first time she wondered what to pack for the trip. I advised her to not leave home without her Common Sense. Everything else could be purchased or procured one way or another.
There is this woman in Belgium who evidently has not had the benefit of such wisdom from any quarter.
Belgium, you may recall, is a very small country and in the time it takes to make your way from Malad to Colaba in Mumbai or Central Station to Singaperumal Koil in Chennai or Gurgaon to the University area in Delhi, you can go round Belgium twice with time for a coffee or beer in between. In the case of going from point A to point B in Bengaluru you could do Belgium twice as many times. Hitler's armoured columns led by Heinz Guderian took a leisurely stroll across Belgium and entered France in the space of a day or so - his tanks were very slow and needed to be fuelled every 40 or 50 miles. English tourists driving to their Continental vacations take an hour or so to cross Belgium and that is when disembarkation queues are especially long.
Belgians come in two flavours the French speaking Walloons of the South and the Dutch-speaking Flemings of the North. Unlike their cousins the lemmings, the Flemings do not run to the nearest cliff only to jump off it, perhaps because there are no cliffs in Belgium. When stressed, they do run off to a monastery and brew some excellent beer. The Flems are generally regarded as the Belgian version of Poles or, if you prefer an Indian comparison, Sardars. While the Flemish painted some great art, they are otherwise not known for their mental acuity. It is surmised that the time spent in Belgium as a miner had something to do with van Gogh cutting his ear off in later life - he didn't realise that the ear he was cutting off in the mirror was his own.
There is this woman in Belgium whose name is not van Gogh nor is she a known relative of van Gogh. She is a 21st century exemplar of the low mental abilities of the Belgians. She started one day from her home in Belgium to go to Brussels, 38 miles away, and ended up 900 miles away in Zagreb in Croatia. She attributed this to meticulously following the instructions of her GPS system.
She seems to have ignored many a warning sign:
Firstly, within a few minutes of her starting her drive she must have crossed a border to France, Luxembourg Germany or Netherlands, depending on which route she took. Border signposts in these countries are all in different languages and even when there is no one at the check posts, traversing them entails driving through in a zigzag at very slow speed. Despite their lack of mental acuity Belgians do not build zigzags in the middle of their highways, a fact that seemed not to have piqued her curiosity.
Secondly, the highways are all well-signposted and are in German / Dutch / French as the case may be. The last time Belgian roads were signposted in German was in 1941 after the aforementioned Herr Guderian took his afternoon stroll.
Thirdly, the road signs on these Autobahns / Autoroutes point to towns which have not been known to have been part of Belgium in the last five thousand years. Her own destination must have been conspicuous by its absence on these road signs. She said later, "I saw all kinds of traffic signs. First in French, then in German - Cologne, Aachen, Frankfurt," but chose to trust her GPS rather than common sense
.
Fourthly, crossing Germany of France would have entailed driving through some thick forests and hills as opposed to the flat Belgian countryside.
Fifthly, she would have had to cross the Alps at some point. While not as great as the Himalayas in height or grandeur, there is no mistaking the Alps for Belgian landscape.
As she was nearing her destination, she must have noticed architecture with more than a passing resemblance to the Islamic style. Far from the Belgian barnyard style.
Above all, 40 miles is at worst one hour's worth of driving as opposed to 900 miles which, assuming your car could sustain the speed would have taken over fifteen. That much of driving involves loo-breaks, coffee breaks and lunch / dinner breaks all of which she appears to have taken without sparing a thought as to why she needed a break for a 40-mile trip.
I know of no car which could take you 900 miles in one tank full of fuel. Jeremy Clarkson reportedly did London -Edinburgh-London on one tank full of diesel in a large car with an even larger fuel tank and that's only 800 miles. At the fuel stop she should have noticed a different price, indicated in a different language, but apparently not.
There is this woman in Belgium who evidently has not had the benefit of such wisdom from any quarter.
Belgium, you may recall, is a very small country and in the time it takes to make your way from Malad to Colaba in Mumbai or Central Station to Singaperumal Koil in Chennai or Gurgaon to the University area in Delhi, you can go round Belgium twice with time for a coffee or beer in between. In the case of going from point A to point B in Bengaluru you could do Belgium twice as many times. Hitler's armoured columns led by Heinz Guderian took a leisurely stroll across Belgium and entered France in the space of a day or so - his tanks were very slow and needed to be fuelled every 40 or 50 miles. English tourists driving to their Continental vacations take an hour or so to cross Belgium and that is when disembarkation queues are especially long.
Belgians come in two flavours the French speaking Walloons of the South and the Dutch-speaking Flemings of the North. Unlike their cousins the lemmings, the Flemings do not run to the nearest cliff only to jump off it, perhaps because there are no cliffs in Belgium. When stressed, they do run off to a monastery and brew some excellent beer. The Flems are generally regarded as the Belgian version of Poles or, if you prefer an Indian comparison, Sardars. While the Flemish painted some great art, they are otherwise not known for their mental acuity. It is surmised that the time spent in Belgium as a miner had something to do with van Gogh cutting his ear off in later life - he didn't realise that the ear he was cutting off in the mirror was his own.
There is this woman in Belgium whose name is not van Gogh nor is she a known relative of van Gogh. She is a 21st century exemplar of the low mental abilities of the Belgians. She started one day from her home in Belgium to go to Brussels, 38 miles away, and ended up 900 miles away in Zagreb in Croatia. She attributed this to meticulously following the instructions of her GPS system.
She seems to have ignored many a warning sign:
Firstly, within a few minutes of her starting her drive she must have crossed a border to France, Luxembourg Germany or Netherlands, depending on which route she took. Border signposts in these countries are all in different languages and even when there is no one at the check posts, traversing them entails driving through in a zigzag at very slow speed. Despite their lack of mental acuity Belgians do not build zigzags in the middle of their highways, a fact that seemed not to have piqued her curiosity.
Secondly, the highways are all well-signposted and are in German / Dutch / French as the case may be. The last time Belgian roads were signposted in German was in 1941 after the aforementioned Herr Guderian took his afternoon stroll.
Thirdly, the road signs on these Autobahns / Autoroutes point to towns which have not been known to have been part of Belgium in the last five thousand years. Her own destination must have been conspicuous by its absence on these road signs. She said later, "I saw all kinds of traffic signs. First in French, then in German - Cologne, Aachen, Frankfurt," but chose to trust her GPS rather than common sense
.
Fourthly, crossing Germany of France would have entailed driving through some thick forests and hills as opposed to the flat Belgian countryside.
Fifthly, she would have had to cross the Alps at some point. While not as great as the Himalayas in height or grandeur, there is no mistaking the Alps for Belgian landscape.
As she was nearing her destination, she must have noticed architecture with more than a passing resemblance to the Islamic style. Far from the Belgian barnyard style.
Above all, 40 miles is at worst one hour's worth of driving as opposed to 900 miles which, assuming your car could sustain the speed would have taken over fifteen. That much of driving involves loo-breaks, coffee breaks and lunch / dinner breaks all of which she appears to have taken without sparing a thought as to why she needed a break for a 40-mile trip.
I know of no car which could take you 900 miles in one tank full of fuel. Jeremy Clarkson reportedly did London -Edinburgh-London on one tank full of diesel in a large car with an even larger fuel tank and that's only 800 miles. At the fuel stop she should have noticed a different price, indicated in a different language, but apparently not.
Her faith in her GPS seems to have been absolute and unshakable to the extent that she did not doubt its directions but floored the pedal instead."I didn't ask myself any questions. I was just distracted, so I kept my foot down".
Clearly she left home without it.
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