PROMISES, PROMISES

No, this is not about the eponymous Broadway musical of the 60s.  Nor need you fear a throaty rendition of the title number which Dionne Warwick  made so popular. Aside from the fact that my musical abilities are not fit to be mentioned in the same breath as Dionne's, the promises are entirely of a different kind.

I was getting ready to renew my driving license, which includes an endorsement for two-wheelers, in Chennai where I now happen to live. I have fond memories of the process of getting a driving license the first time ever, in Tamil Nadu state. A strict parent who was also a stickler for rules only permitted me to apply for a license on completing 21 years of age, not a day before. I felt I had waited long enough. As a result my license was issued on my 21st birthday. I took the test in a small provincial town where the Traffic Inspector arrived at a leisurely 11 a.m. despite having been told that the son of a senior official was waiting to take the test, accompanied by his father, the said senior official. My father proceeded to tell the Inspector that I must be tested "thoroughly". I had to do the mandatory drive around couple of blocks involving  four right angled turns, a bit of driving in the midst of ox-carts, buses, trucks, bicycles, wandering cattle and pedestrians without hitting anyone or looking like hitting anything, topped off by a reversing manoeuvre and parallel parking. The last one was a bit of a laugh given the singular absence of pavements (a.k.a kerbs) in that town.

 I didn't have to make any promises to be good, not to drink and drive or drop acid (a popular form of thrill-seeking those days) while driving. There were no seat belts nor helmets in use. On being told that I could drive a scooter as well, the Inspector promised a "two wheeler endorsement" as well. He didn't test me for it - he took me on my words, skipping over the embarrassing details of how I could have trained on a two-wheeler when I did not have a learning license for it....

The process was rather more stringent and unpleasant in the UK. Not only was I failed when I attempted to save money by not taking the help of a driving school, but decade-and-a-half's driving experience in India was considered as a distinct setback by the Licensing Inspector(s). The driving school taught me how to "game " the test rather than teaching me better driving skills. Like placing a strategic "dirt mark" on the rear windscreen to centre the car while reversing, making exaggerated movements of the neck to ensure the Inspector saw that I was using the side and rear-view mirrors, stopping  to let old ladies cross the road (even when they were only chatting by the roadside), employing the "ten-to-two" position on the steering wheel, "driving like an old lady", etc.. Ah, yes, I wore a proper suit and tie to convince them that I wasn't one of those detested "Ealing and Hounslow types", but a proper gent working in the City. I was failed for stopping unnecessarily (for a lady to cross the road) and "driving at a speed inappropriate for the traffic" (too slow). I had been warned about taking the test at that centre which was notorious for failing Asians - reportedly most of the junior colonial officials who felt betrayed upon Indian Independence and returned to the miserable English weather  and acute rationing from a life of colonial luxuries (huge bungalows, parties and a retinue obsequious servants), hailed from that place where I took the test - their descendants apparently held Indians responsible for their miserable post-colonial lives in less than modest circumstances.


With typical Indian cunning - not to mention minor infraction of the test rules - I had applied to another centre as well, and that test was the very next morning. Needless to say this area had no colonial connections ( was quite popular with Japanese families, thanks to couple of golf links in the vicinity) and I duly passed the test possibly owing to the fact that I spoke and understood English very well and did not keep smiling and bowing, saying "hai". 


But I made no promises to wear the seat belt, check the tyre pressure, consult my mirrors before attempting a turn, parallel park exactly 12 inches from the pavement or even not to kill anyone on the road. It was taken for granted that I would do all of these since the rules said so.


Down in Chennai I have to make promises: 

To wear a seat belt

To wear a helmet

Not to use a cell phone while driving

Not to text while driving

To stop at red lights

To wait for the green light before crossing a junction

Not to hit pedestrians when I have a stop signal

Not to drive on the right (which as you know is the "wrong" side here) side of the road

To drive on the left side of the road

Not to weave through the traffic like a shuttle in a loom

Not to overtake from the left ( this is a serious promise for it is the left where most of the overtaking happens in Chennai. Some say this should be called "undertaking" for it is the opposite of "overtaking" and could most easily result in a visit to the undertakers).

To overtake only on the right

To use the headlights when it is dark

Not to use  the high beam to dazzle drivers coming towards me, but the low beam to let them know of my presence and to light the road immediately ahead

To indicate in advance my intent to turn 

To look for oncoming vehicles before opening vehicle doors 

To look left and right before pulling into a street

To stop and look before entering a main road or a highway from a side street

Etc etc. ( the list, as they say, is indicative and not exhaustive)

None of which, judging by the Chennai driving style, I need observe after gaining the license.