"Capture life perfectly....a perfect addition to your home luxury and sure to get plenty of fine moments for the years to come. The whole new look and aesthetic design crafted with precious metals with a finesse of craftsmanship ensures the proud feeling of an envious possession."
Sounds Greek or Latin to you? Try Mandarin. I am a proud owner of much pointless Chinese gadgetry whose operating instructions sound similar. They all promise to enhance my life one way or another. What is this particular frothy exuberance all about?
The phrases "precious metals" and "fine craftsmanship" might lead you to conclude that some sort of jewellery is being hawked. But " addition to home luxury"? How does one square that with jewellery? Perhaps a new type of sofa made of gold and inlaid with precious stones? Even the bling-happy Russian oligarchs, not to mention the redoubtable Mr Ambani of the two billion dollar monstrosity for a home, would baulk at the prospect of owning one. Besides, such blingy stuff in one's living room is a likely turn off, turning a possible "whisky and sofa" into a certain "gin and platonic".
The clue, perhaps, is in the next line: "Our professional expertise in this field will give you an enhanced bathing experience with the least operating cost".
A diamond-encrusted shower head perhaps? Enhanced bathing experience with the least operating cost? That is clearly MBA-speak improbably combining Finance and Marketing in the same sentence; but what is it promoting? Could it possibly mean a cheap shower? Could it? If it is, could a cheap shower enhance one's bathing experience? Or could it be one of those new-fangled "bathing devices" (I am getting into the spirit of the advert here) whose jets assault you from various quarters leaving you more tired after the shower than when you went in?
The promise is of "least operating cost". In all these years of showering and cleaning myself I never thought of the expenditure on soaps as "operating cost". What an insight! From now on when I spend less on soap I shall feel better knowing that I actually am lowering my "operating cost". Hereafter I shall also exhort the rest of the family to keep a tab on operating costs while having enhanced bathing experiences. Operating costs, indeed. Why didn't I think of that earlier - I could have saved millions?
The advert goes on with its purple prose: "It gives you total peace of mind and a sustainable lifestyle for you and your family". It is all about being green - even while having an enhanced bathing experience at least operating cost. Especially while having an enhanced bathing experience at least operating cost.
It is "powered by the sun" and "backed by electricity" so that the glorious uncertainties of life cannot deny you an enhanced bathing experience at least operating cost.
Now that I have got you all excited, go get that solar water heater installed.
Sounds Greek or Latin to you? Try Mandarin. I am a proud owner of much pointless Chinese gadgetry whose operating instructions sound similar. They all promise to enhance my life one way or another. What is this particular frothy exuberance all about?
The phrases "precious metals" and "fine craftsmanship" might lead you to conclude that some sort of jewellery is being hawked. But " addition to home luxury"? How does one square that with jewellery? Perhaps a new type of sofa made of gold and inlaid with precious stones? Even the bling-happy Russian oligarchs, not to mention the redoubtable Mr Ambani of the two billion dollar monstrosity for a home, would baulk at the prospect of owning one. Besides, such blingy stuff in one's living room is a likely turn off, turning a possible "whisky and sofa" into a certain "gin and platonic".
The clue, perhaps, is in the next line: "Our professional expertise in this field will give you an enhanced bathing experience with the least operating cost".
A diamond-encrusted shower head perhaps? Enhanced bathing experience with the least operating cost? That is clearly MBA-speak improbably combining Finance and Marketing in the same sentence; but what is it promoting? Could it possibly mean a cheap shower? Could it? If it is, could a cheap shower enhance one's bathing experience? Or could it be one of those new-fangled "bathing devices" (I am getting into the spirit of the advert here) whose jets assault you from various quarters leaving you more tired after the shower than when you went in?
The promise is of "least operating cost". In all these years of showering and cleaning myself I never thought of the expenditure on soaps as "operating cost". What an insight! From now on when I spend less on soap I shall feel better knowing that I actually am lowering my "operating cost". Hereafter I shall also exhort the rest of the family to keep a tab on operating costs while having enhanced bathing experiences. Operating costs, indeed. Why didn't I think of that earlier - I could have saved millions?
The advert goes on with its purple prose: "It gives you total peace of mind and a sustainable lifestyle for you and your family". It is all about being green - even while having an enhanced bathing experience at least operating cost. Especially while having an enhanced bathing experience at least operating cost.
It is "powered by the sun" and "backed by electricity" so that the glorious uncertainties of life cannot deny you an enhanced bathing experience at least operating cost.
Now that I have got you all excited, go get that solar water heater installed.
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