The Indian Presidential race, while not as exciting or of as much consequence as the American one, is unfolding. Perhaps it is accurate to say unravelling, especially if you are Sonia Gandhi. It does not matter who resides in our Rashtrapathi Bhavan (ie, Presidential Palace) for the Indian President does not matter at all. Even in India. Especially in India. But still, a contest is exciting especially if the dramatis personae have much riding on the outcome. What is even more exciting are the intrigues that accompany it, the rumours, the hard news, the moves, counter moves and the hype that surrounds it. A Martian may be excused for thinking that we are electing the President of the World with his fingers on the Intergalactic Gamma Ray Weapon's trigger.
The moves, the counter moves, the waiting game, the counter-waiting game, the speculation, the inspired leaks, it is al so exciting. The uninitiated may not understand is what the fuss is all about.
Being President of India is the easiest thing. To paraphrase Neil Diamond, even chicken can do it. Some chicken have. Some turkeys too. You only need to be a Gandhian monkey to be President: hear no evil, see no evil and dont speak at all. Like the current incumbent.
You get a magnificent residence, a fat remuneration and you get to jet around to countries you didnt know existed and whose names you cant even spell in your own mother tongue. You get to take your entire family with you at tax payer's expense and divert national carrier's flight for this purpose. You get to authorize important legislation without even a look, and you get to display the special skill of signing anything and everything placed before you. You get an opportunity to communicate eloquently through silence.
Some got an opportunity to sweep the floor someone else walked on; and someone signed away democracy in the middle of the night. All get the opportunity to make inane speeches and lofty promises to the people at large on important occasions regardless of what happened to earlier promises. In America they say that some Presidents are lucky that nothing sticks to them. In India the President is Teflon by design.
Retirement benefits are very good. You get to live in a huge bungalow in Delhi, have security detail escorting and protecting you, no security checks at airports, a car with revolving red lights and, in addition, a generous pension. You can also get, for free, valuable real estate in a place of your choice if you have been nice to the ruling party. You can escape your past dodgy financial dealings for we don't believe in embarrassing our Presidents - they do well by themselves without outside help. You dont even have to electable to dream of this wonderful life - you just have to be nice to the ruling party and practice your signature a lot.
So it is no surprise that many people want to be President of India.
Who are in the race this year?
Pranab Mukherjee, a man of flexible convictions who can sup with the devil even as he sings with the angels. He is willing to be emasculated in return for the presidential sinecure. He can also be handy in the event of a fractured electoral mandate in 2014. His refusal to make a deal with Bengal has lost him some support, but the calculator that he is he has found the support elsewhere. His chief rival appears to be a former president with a bad haircut. The left calls him a "war monger" even as it glosses over China's arms build up He is preferred by the intelligentsia and the middle class. But he has a serious flaw: he reads the papers placed before him and even dares to ask questions and clarifications. He is not quick to draw his pen or a broom. A very unsuitable person, for some. Then there is a former Speaker whose principal credential appears to be his tribal origins. In addition you will have the usual cast of eccentrics, attention seekers and spoilers hoping to split the votes.
The ruling party wants its own man and the main opposition is not sure what it wants. The left waits to see what the others are up to. Didi flopped, Mulayam flipped and Amma is flip-flopping.
I have a great suggestion: Bring Silvio BERLUSCONI. He is very rich and presumably not interested in small change. Colourful. Charismatic. Above all, he is Italian. When real power vests with one why not another for an ornamental position?
Imagine the "Bunga Bunga" parties at the Rashtrapathi Bhavan with Berlo as President. All of Bollywood will shift to Delhi for those parties and Shobhaa De will participate, clad in a toga.
We can have Sunny Leone as VP! What a coup that would be!
The moves, the counter moves, the waiting game, the counter-waiting game, the speculation, the inspired leaks, it is al so exciting. The uninitiated may not understand is what the fuss is all about.
Being President of India is the easiest thing. To paraphrase Neil Diamond, even chicken can do it. Some chicken have. Some turkeys too. You only need to be a Gandhian monkey to be President: hear no evil, see no evil and dont speak at all. Like the current incumbent.
You get a magnificent residence, a fat remuneration and you get to jet around to countries you didnt know existed and whose names you cant even spell in your own mother tongue. You get to take your entire family with you at tax payer's expense and divert national carrier's flight for this purpose. You get to authorize important legislation without even a look, and you get to display the special skill of signing anything and everything placed before you. You get an opportunity to communicate eloquently through silence.
Some got an opportunity to sweep the floor someone else walked on; and someone signed away democracy in the middle of the night. All get the opportunity to make inane speeches and lofty promises to the people at large on important occasions regardless of what happened to earlier promises. In America they say that some Presidents are lucky that nothing sticks to them. In India the President is Teflon by design.
Retirement benefits are very good. You get to live in a huge bungalow in Delhi, have security detail escorting and protecting you, no security checks at airports, a car with revolving red lights and, in addition, a generous pension. You can also get, for free, valuable real estate in a place of your choice if you have been nice to the ruling party. You can escape your past dodgy financial dealings for we don't believe in embarrassing our Presidents - they do well by themselves without outside help. You dont even have to electable to dream of this wonderful life - you just have to be nice to the ruling party and practice your signature a lot.
So it is no surprise that many people want to be President of India.
Who are in the race this year?
Pranab Mukherjee, a man of flexible convictions who can sup with the devil even as he sings with the angels. He is willing to be emasculated in return for the presidential sinecure. He can also be handy in the event of a fractured electoral mandate in 2014. His refusal to make a deal with Bengal has lost him some support, but the calculator that he is he has found the support elsewhere. His chief rival appears to be a former president with a bad haircut. The left calls him a "war monger" even as it glosses over China's arms build up He is preferred by the intelligentsia and the middle class. But he has a serious flaw: he reads the papers placed before him and even dares to ask questions and clarifications. He is not quick to draw his pen or a broom. A very unsuitable person, for some. Then there is a former Speaker whose principal credential appears to be his tribal origins. In addition you will have the usual cast of eccentrics, attention seekers and spoilers hoping to split the votes.
The ruling party wants its own man and the main opposition is not sure what it wants. The left waits to see what the others are up to. Didi flopped, Mulayam flipped and Amma is flip-flopping.
I have a great suggestion: Bring Silvio BERLUSCONI. He is very rich and presumably not interested in small change. Colourful. Charismatic. Above all, he is Italian. When real power vests with one why not another for an ornamental position?
Imagine the "Bunga Bunga" parties at the Rashtrapathi Bhavan with Berlo as President. All of Bollywood will shift to Delhi for those parties and Shobhaa De will participate, clad in a toga.
We can have Sunny Leone as VP! What a coup that would be!
Now that Pranab Mukherjee looks like becoming the President, I understand that rhe Government will enact a Law to make him president with retrospective effect, ie, from 1950.
ReplyDeleteI thought Pranab Mukherjee had requested the government for retrospective effect.....
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