IMPROVE OR IMPROVISE?

I was channel surfing  (between two muscular men slugging it out on the red clay of Roland Garros and some pretty young things, and quite a few ugly ones, trying to sing) when I heard a pretty aspirant to the title promise to " improvise" the next time she came before the judges. I was confused. Surely she meant that she would do better the next time around. And then again, did she? Leaving the muscular men to their own gladiatorial confrontation, I tuned in to the singing sensation. Apparently the judges felt that she was  making some elementary errors. Which comment brought on the above promise. She evidently meant to say "improve" but felt  that it was far cooler and hep to say "improvise".

Her predicament, I can confirm, is not a rare one. It is much more common than is supposed. Even in adult circles. Especially in corporate circles.  I have witnessed this "improve - Improvise" confusion amongst corporate high-fliers who shall remain  nameless. There appears to be a feeling that "improve" is ancient and  somehow needs to be replaced with a more modern-sounding equivalent, "improvise".  Why improve when you can improvise?

This reminds me of  a time long ago in London when I had taken an English colleague for lunch at a Brick Lane Bangla Deshi (Indian) restaurant. The Dockland area then was in the early stages of redevelopment and was still free of the monstrous gherkin which later became a landmark. The area was run down,  houses in bad repair and the aroma of food items frying in mustard oil filled the air in the streets. My friend Paul swore he never imagined mutton could be made to taste so good. Tucking in to the Brick Lane delicacies, I happened to overhear a conversation between two Bangladeshi gents. One of them was writing a letter and wanted to spell the word "appropriate". He was asking his companion if the word had three P's or four. The second gent, after ascertaining the purpose and content of the letter - a job application - opined that while he was nearly sure that there were only three P's, given the importance of the letter, four would be better.(To be really effective this story must be narrated in the best East Bengali English accent).

The reason "improve" metamorphoses into "improvise" seems similar. If it is an important discussion, lecture, or presentation, make it "improvise" rather than the staid old "improve". For one thing the former has "ise" at the end, clearly a sign of action; a sign of something being done to something or someone and Corporate endeavour is all about doing things to people and things.  It is active and corporate life is all about action and dynamism. The older verb sounds passive, old, and reeks of musty old libraries and conjures images of letting things happen rather than doing things.

For a while I deluded myself that the users of the modern version really meant to improvise, to find an unconventional solution to the problem at hand, make do with the limited resources and still achieve something those resources were considered inadequate for - what we in India loosely term "Jugaad".

When I realised that  the malapropism was precisely that and nothing more,  that there was no great intent to make some fundamental and meaningful changes to our world,  and that it was a poor and vain attempt to impress with empty sounds, the scales fell off my eyes.

That pretty girl on the telly might still make us happy for a few moments with a well-sung melody, but the Corporate improvisers will continue making empty noises.