Sunday 11 January 2015

HOW TO ......?

This is going to be easily the shortest post I've ever made, including the title.

I was trying to understand how to speed up my laptop running Ubuntu Linux 14.04 loftily named "Trusty Tahr". For those uninitiated into the wonderful world of Discovery Channel, Tahr is a a sort of mountain goat, only bigger and very elusive. I once spent nearly a whole day on the misty slopes of Anai Mudi near Munnar hoping to get a glimpse of  one. To the considerable irritation of the children there was only mist rolling in, they were getting very hungry, and our driver was getting increasingly concerned about the visibility on the way back if the most kept rolling in. There was no Tahr, trusty or otherwise.

Be that as it may, I was trying to understand how to speed up my tiring old laptop with a spanking new version of Linux. As in all other matters, the best way to do anything today is to start with Google. Time was when we would start with a "Vinayagar suzhi" or a "Ganesh doodle" and hope the elephant-headed god would guide all our endeavours, such as untangling the mysteries of  high-school history paper or the esoteric world of Quantum Electro Dynamics.

 It is a different matter that God helps those who help themselves and that I did not help myself very much when it came to QED which was very different from faffing on about historical events. Besides, I was artistically and faith-wise challenged and couldn't do the special doodle signifying Lord Ganesh. It was thus that I was reduced to figuring out how to lend more money to those that didn't deserve it instead of figuring Higgs Boson's behaviour.

The ever-helpful Google got to work even as I started typing and by the time I had gotten to "How To" it had come up with the following suggestions:

  • How to kiss
  • How to get pregnant
  • How to lose weight
  • How to download Youtube videos
I am stunned by the genius of the good people at google. Not only they knew how to lead me to the answers I was seeking, but they could also list the answers before I completed my questions and put things in the proper sequence as well: kisses (presumably google kisses happen only between members of the opposite sex) could lead to pregnancy (eventually) which leads to baby fat, necessitating the loss thereof. Eventually one would need to download Youtube videos to learn parenting, to keep the little ones entertained (in order to get some "mum-time"), keep the mothers entertained, and finally to learn how to manage the little monsters.

My mind boggles to think what my grand parents, parents of a whole dozen,  could have achieved had they Googled and not just doodled.

As for the Tahr, it remains as slow as the real one is elusive.

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