India is set to host International Bear Conference.
This piece of news brought a smile to my face. You've got to smile at this. Else you are not human. A Bear Conference? Yes a Bear Conference. Not a conference of bears mind you, but a Bear Conference. To my mind the difference is quite huge and significant too. It is not where bears get together to discuss how to survive the Humans or the Bulls. It is a conference where humans bullish on bears get together to discuss the latter's future. At least that's what it means to me.
A conference of bears would not surprise me though. They are said to be quite intelligent notwithstanding a proclivity to sleep most of the year off. I used to know quite a few characters like that at the venerable IIT, Bombay. They all managed to ace their classes despite a pronounced tendency to sleep off most of the days in their dorms, just managing sufficient class attendance to avoid being struck off the rolls. They were very intelligent. It is a moot point if they were intelligent because they managed to get a lot of sleep or if they could afford to sleep a lot because they were intelligent. I thought at that time that their absence from classes significantly contributed to their developing into highly intelligent young people. I tried it (sleeping a lot) and it didn't work for me. In addition to sleeping a lot, they must have been drinking water from a source different to the one I used.
News media also report that India is to set up a Bear Commission. Presumably the bears involved will be the four legged variety and not the two-legged ones, although a Commission for the two legged bears would not surprise me. In addition to being very smart this lot is also known to be quite influential in the financial circles. While the bulls grab all the limelight, it is the bears that make most money (think John Paulson during the latest financial crisis). I also understand that being a bear requires lot more intelligence, not to mention cojones, whereas being a bull just requires is a lot of money. This exemplifies a fundamental human truth: it is easier to get people to believe so called good news than bad ones. The Bear Commission will hopefully not be a commission of bears (what would you call an omission of bears - Bare?) nor commission bears into doing bicycle-riding tricks. Given that it will be a Quango (quasi non-government organization), much "commission" is likely to be made in the name of bears.
Bear with me while I try to trace the future of bears, bear commissions and conferences. Bear experts will meet at a nice resort hotel in a very agreeable location at least a thousand miles from the nearest bear, talk about bears over a lot of rich food and lovely cocktails and then set a date and venue for the next International Bear Conference. In between, unattended by most delegates (who will mostly be flitting in and out of the conference hall to attend to cell phone calls), some die-hard bear aficionados will deliver lectures like "Bear and Development", "Dialectics of Bear development", "Bear and Technology", " Socio-bio-economics of man-bear symbiotic coexistence" and stuff like that. In the concluding session the conference will dole out mementos like a wooden bear carving and a denim backpack with a pink Paddington Bear embroidered on it.
The Bear Commission will be headed by a retired IAS officer. In recognition of the gravity of the Bear Issues, he will carry the rank of Principal Secretary and draw concomitant pay and perks. He will also undertake study tours to New York, Los Angeles, Tokyo, Shanghai, Seoul, Paris, London, Sydney and Kruger National Park to meet, study, and understand Bear issues first hand. A Parliamentary Committee consisting of MPs from across the political spectrum will visit Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Hamburg, Berlin, and Paris to assess the impact of sex-trade on bears. MPs will get a special allowance of Rs.10 crores annually for bear necessities. Sonia Gandhi will announce a subsidy of Rs100,000/- per bear per annum for 500 million bears resident in India. A special drive will be launched to identify the other 500 million bears which have so far eluded the bear census. Her son in law will become the honorary Chairman of International Polar Bear Standing Commission and in that capacity will be allotted 1000 acres in the centre of Delhi to set up a Polar Bear Permanent Exhibition. The allotment will carry the right to use the land for building 7-star Polar Bear Hotels. The Bear allowances, Bear subsidies and Bear Land will all be exempt from the prying eyes of the CAG - the constitution will be suitably amended.
Bear development takes time. Tigers were not saved in a day or, as they say, Ranthambore was not built in a day.
Until then we will continue to set fire to bears that stray into our living spaces.
This piece of news brought a smile to my face. You've got to smile at this. Else you are not human. A Bear Conference? Yes a Bear Conference. Not a conference of bears mind you, but a Bear Conference. To my mind the difference is quite huge and significant too. It is not where bears get together to discuss how to survive the Humans or the Bulls. It is a conference where humans bullish on bears get together to discuss the latter's future. At least that's what it means to me.
A conference of bears would not surprise me though. They are said to be quite intelligent notwithstanding a proclivity to sleep most of the year off. I used to know quite a few characters like that at the venerable IIT, Bombay. They all managed to ace their classes despite a pronounced tendency to sleep off most of the days in their dorms, just managing sufficient class attendance to avoid being struck off the rolls. They were very intelligent. It is a moot point if they were intelligent because they managed to get a lot of sleep or if they could afford to sleep a lot because they were intelligent. I thought at that time that their absence from classes significantly contributed to their developing into highly intelligent young people. I tried it (sleeping a lot) and it didn't work for me. In addition to sleeping a lot, they must have been drinking water from a source different to the one I used.
News media also report that India is to set up a Bear Commission. Presumably the bears involved will be the four legged variety and not the two-legged ones, although a Commission for the two legged bears would not surprise me. In addition to being very smart this lot is also known to be quite influential in the financial circles. While the bulls grab all the limelight, it is the bears that make most money (think John Paulson during the latest financial crisis). I also understand that being a bear requires lot more intelligence, not to mention cojones, whereas being a bull just requires is a lot of money. This exemplifies a fundamental human truth: it is easier to get people to believe so called good news than bad ones. The Bear Commission will hopefully not be a commission of bears (what would you call an omission of bears - Bare?) nor commission bears into doing bicycle-riding tricks. Given that it will be a Quango (quasi non-government organization), much "commission" is likely to be made in the name of bears.
Bear with me while I try to trace the future of bears, bear commissions and conferences. Bear experts will meet at a nice resort hotel in a very agreeable location at least a thousand miles from the nearest bear, talk about bears over a lot of rich food and lovely cocktails and then set a date and venue for the next International Bear Conference. In between, unattended by most delegates (who will mostly be flitting in and out of the conference hall to attend to cell phone calls), some die-hard bear aficionados will deliver lectures like "Bear and Development", "Dialectics of Bear development", "Bear and Technology", " Socio-bio-economics of man-bear symbiotic coexistence" and stuff like that. In the concluding session the conference will dole out mementos like a wooden bear carving and a denim backpack with a pink Paddington Bear embroidered on it.
The Bear Commission will be headed by a retired IAS officer. In recognition of the gravity of the Bear Issues, he will carry the rank of Principal Secretary and draw concomitant pay and perks. He will also undertake study tours to New York, Los Angeles, Tokyo, Shanghai, Seoul, Paris, London, Sydney and Kruger National Park to meet, study, and understand Bear issues first hand. A Parliamentary Committee consisting of MPs from across the political spectrum will visit Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Hamburg, Berlin, and Paris to assess the impact of sex-trade on bears. MPs will get a special allowance of Rs.10 crores annually for bear necessities. Sonia Gandhi will announce a subsidy of Rs100,000/- per bear per annum for 500 million bears resident in India. A special drive will be launched to identify the other 500 million bears which have so far eluded the bear census. Her son in law will become the honorary Chairman of International Polar Bear Standing Commission and in that capacity will be allotted 1000 acres in the centre of Delhi to set up a Polar Bear Permanent Exhibition. The allotment will carry the right to use the land for building 7-star Polar Bear Hotels. The Bear allowances, Bear subsidies and Bear Land will all be exempt from the prying eyes of the CAG - the constitution will be suitably amended.
Bear development takes time. Tigers were not saved in a day or, as they say, Ranthambore was not built in a day.
Until then we will continue to set fire to bears that stray into our living spaces.
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